hi friendsz who still read this shit. promos are over but i dont feel any different. boo i lost the fire for blogging idk its like so annoying to type so much. 

Jason:
Trust me I'm 5million times
More screwed in terms of relaitonships
If * does clap back
Please ask * to get the fuck away
And stop wasting your time
There is happiness elsewhere


Friends like this turn my day around so quickly.
<3

 I wish life was so much simplet. 
I wish nothing had to revolve around who made the first move
Does the person who makes the first move always end up the loser? Or does that person stand a chance of happiness that might last a lifetime? All these questions never seem to have an absolute answer. nothing in this world is absolute. The world would be a much better place if everything was black and white. I hate having to always think of the worst possible outcome of every situation, and as a result, do as much as i can to try to fix it, and that translates to overdoing it and eventually, i dig my own grave. 

There's no one i can actually turn to to ask for help that can actually help me. My friends only have limited knowledge and advice. Im seeking the one with answers, and i know that is hard to find. People say god has the answers, but i dont believe that a god exists at this moment.

I tried to distract myself, but all that materialised was nothing. No-fucking-thing. Then i ask myself, why do i even try? I try because i hope that someday eventually, i will get something out of it. But recently, i cant seem to be able to wait anymore. I've waited close to 3 years and nothing happened. Am i supposed to wait for another 3 years? No, because you've moved on. I would hold on forever, but would you? I dont think so. 

I wish i was different from what i am now. It was so much easier last time. I dontknow what happened. Dont know why it happened. I dont want to keep dwelling on the past, but i cant help not to think about it. Do i change who i am? Change my identity completely just for you? I dont mind doing that, i dont mind being fake just to be happy. But that happiness is for you, and not complete happiness for me. Because im living a lie, and i do not want to do that. You have to accept me for who i am, and if you cant then im sorry but ttyn. 

I've been doing so much thinking, its probably more than i thought i would have been doing for my entire life. Does playing hard to get always work out? Because it can just send a signal that im not interested. But if you did like me, you would talk to me no? And you'll be thinking, if he liked me, he would talk to me right? Fuck all this confusion. And i dont want to seem too eager, so is playing hard to get the only way till someone has the balls to initiate a conversation?

Ugh promos in 10 days?

hehehe colours tomorrow.
today was so boring, like the rest of the week.
im lucky if i can pull a smile now. 

 Mixed reactions much? I swear my life is going downn the drainz. 

 Just when i thought i was almost over you, you tell me you'll be in contact soon. How the fuck am i supposed to react. I had almost made up my mind and given you up, but now? I have NO FUCKING idea what to do if you call.

 HAHAHA WTF I HAD TO POST THIS!.

IEVAN I MISS U SO SO SO MUCH I CANT BELIEVE YOU'RE STILL THE SAME! 

Ievan wrote the following:

hey y'all

what is bitching: 
to gossip abt others and to really talk behind the person back and of course back stabbing....

• never bitch about ppl that around u like in the same room or even the same lecture hall cos it will spread and it will spread FAST i tell u
• bitching is wrong unless necessary
  
• remember this, bitching can be used as a weapon of mass destruction.
  
• have water time to time as bitching takes lots of ur energy with all the rage and talking it will definitely make u thirsty. seriously!
  
• there is never such thing as i bitch too much. the more the merrier i say
  
• bitching is a skill and an art. so practice practice practice it will make ur bitching perfect
  
• dont ever bitch loudly... its just wrong
  
• importantly the ppl u are bitching to must be listening and they must pay attention or not damn sian. hahaha
  
• plus always prepare ur bitching material before doing it. its damn stupid to bitch abt damn minor things. its lame!
  
• and lastly bicth with SYTLE and always be a classy bitch.
  

and HAPPY BITCHING

and u better not bitch abt me or i will bitch u to death... seriously :)


XOXO
love ievan

HAHA IEVAN I MISS YOUR STUFFF! 

 I wish you could see, that sometimes, im more than just a phone call away. But now, i dont want to believe in you anymore, well at least until promos are over. If i was really the least bit important, you would have done something. But time is short, and so am i. Goodbye for now. TTYN